Bare Scare by Raw Films

Judging a Porn by Its Cover:

Pubert: Happy Halloweenie!

Groeper: I’m scared already.

P: The cover says “cute twinks haunted and sodomized.”

G: What’s a haunted twink?

P: A twink that is so thin that you can see through him!

Two campers walk down a trail together to pitch a tent.

G: There are subtitles and the boys are Czechoslovakian.

P: One of them looks like Justin Bieber.

G: Two guys wearing Scream masks drive by and bob their heads together to a song.

P: “I want you,” sings the chanteuse.

G: That was weird and random.

P: Justin has a nightmare after sleeping in the tent.

G: He dreams that he gets raped in the woods.

P: But wakes to find he’s safe in the tent with his buddy.

G: So all these hairless twinks are camping together?

P: And stretching in the morning in their underwear.

G: There’s a dude in a Scream mask watching them, creepy.

Two of the happy campers wake with wood.

P: These two are really cute.

G: Even for a twinkie, he’s got a good-sized donkie.

P: Nice rainbow colored tent. No one will suspect they are gay in that forest.

G: The one has a cute mole on his upper lip ala Marilyn Monroe.

P: Shouldn’t he be riding that cock up and down not side-to-side?

G: There he goes. It takes practice.

P: Kind of like matching your moans when they are dubbed in later.

G: Look at how the sun bounces off his ass.

P: And all that grass on his ass…

G: That’s the hazards of fucking outdoors.

P: Also the flies. It’s part of nature.

G: The birds and the bees.

P: He just shot across his lime green sleeping bag at his butt.

G: Bullseye!

P: Did you see the moss hanging off his hole?

G: I got moss on mine too it has been so long since I have had sex.

The outdoorsy Czechs mix it up swimming in the lake with their wet noodles.

P: Oh brother, they are playing that song again “I Want You.”

G: I don’t want to hear it again!

P: Out of the water pops someone wearing the Scream mask.

G: So was there a name for the character in that movie?

P: I looked it up. He was called “ghost face.”

G: Couldn’t Wes Craven have come up with something more creative? We had Michael Myers, Freddie Krueger and Jason Voorhees before that.

Two of the twinks chase each other with Super Soakers and stop to rest on a bench.

P: I actually really like that swimsuit.

G: There was a big fashion event last week downtown but who needs to leave the house?

P: I’m getting my fashion tips from porn!

G: And that twink is getting his tip from a friend.

P: On a shaky bench no less.

G: The scenery is beautiful and perfect for outdoor lovers.

Ghost face sneaks up on a camper who is hanging his laundry.

P: Ghost is making the clean teen suck his wean.

G: “Kojit” apparently means suck in Czech.

P: Who says you can’t learn and beat off at the same time?

G: They could use some creative ways to use clothespins.

P: Ghostie could use some sun on that lily-white hind end.

G: Where did they find a rainbow mat to fuck on?

P: Gay Mart! They are taking my advice and avoiding the grass stains.

A young couple from the beginning of the film feel like they are being watched but this doesn’t stop them from doing the wild thing.

G: There is all this tattoo writing on his body.

P: You better get out your Czech book again for a translation.

G: Justin has a star on his bootie.

P: Beiber is doing a headstand while he’s getting banged!

G: A paint by numbers three-way ensues at a nearby cabin.

P: Then flash back to Justin and Selena on their sleeping bag.

G: He’s licking that cream like a cat for a big finish.

P: Inside his head wishes he could have experienced the rape for real?

G: The dream didn’t come true in this DVD.

P: More like more Bare than Scare…

Pubert: Thumbs up the butt.

Groeper: Finger down the throat.

Trick or treat at if you dare purchase Bare Scare!