La Dolce Vita from Lucas Entertainment

Judging a Porn By Its Cover:

Groeper: Nice packaging; this feels like a legit film. This is the Director’s Edition.

Pubert: So this company is in trouble for using this name, confusing it with the original movie.

G: But Italians use the same expression.

P: Controversy never stops this director. This video just set a record of wins for AVN awards.

We see the New York skyline on the way to a fashion show.

G: I feel like we are sitting in a movie theatre. They could play this at AMC 21.

P: Who is singing at the beginning of the show? There are stars everywhere in the audience.

G: OMG, that’s Amanda Lepore!

After the show the designer goes with his bodyguard downstairs.

G: They’re in the basement; check out his pipes!

P: The bodyguard has an angry face, but I could make the sacrifice.

G: His body and cock are amazing.

P: The designer looks like he has three different tan lines.

G: Yes, spray on, tanning bed and natural. The fashion designer is like a cat in heat.

P: Is he paying this guy to protect him?

G: He’s fucking him on a Corona box.

P: Product placement!

G: You gotta be real careful when you order a beer these days.

Next scene is a twink scene followed Michael Lucas inviting two friends back to his pad.

P: Is this movie promoting drugs? They are smoking weed; in the previous scene they were using coke.

G: They’re getting into the three-way quickly.

P: That is an interesting position. I want to try that out. I was looking for a three-way last night.

[ Groeper shakes his head ]

G: He is doing a little sign language. Come over here…

P: Said the spider to the fly. I hope that booty is clean. They are taking turns licking it.

G: I am sure it has been power washed clean.

P: This video is long and this is only disc one!

G: Last time I saw a video this long it involved Jedis!

Michael’s boyfriend awakes the next morning alone. When Lucas returns he gets a big scolding.

G: His boyfriend is lisper–baby talk, baby talk!

P: This disc leaves you hanging for the next one. Disc 2 begins with Michael and his friends hitting a male strip club.

G: Now that is how you work a stripper.

P: You can’t do that with women strippers!

G: This is a good idea for a porno because this is realistic.

P: He must have paid the stripper a lot of money for a private suck.

G: Next scene looks like a fun party.

P: And his boyfriend is out the door for some revenge fucking.

G: That will teach him a lesson!

P: But the replacement is not too easy on the eyes.

G: He is sucking his toes.

P: And eating his whole foot, to boot.

G: And the next morning Michael Lucas is hard at work bringing home the bacon for his boyfriend.

P: That was the office I visited him in when I met him in New York!

G: After a hard days work he goes to a gay bar with a darkroom.

P: He needs to release some tension.

G: Nice big finale.

P: With a bittersweet ending.

G: Aww La Dolce Vita. Now I get it!

P: Lots of plot.

G: The movie has style. The third disc is all bonus features.

P: It is well made, all wrapped in a bow.

G: It is a really long.

P: Instead of Michael Lucas this seems more like George Lucas!

Pubert: Long thumbs up the butt.

Groeper: Thumbs up the butt.